Nobody says, "ARRRRRR."
Nobody wears a bandana, an earring, an eyepatch, a hook, or a pegleg. What do these guys wear? Three-piece suits? And their bodies are way too intact.
Nobody has a parrot. WWJD - What Would Jimmy (Buffett) do?
Nobody walks the plank. There could have been some nice shark action afterward.
There's plenty of rum, but nobody says "YO" and there are no "HOs" (except perhaps in port on the docks).
Macy rhymes with Tracy. Jim rhymes with Tim. There are no characters whose names rhyme with mine or a number of your other very good friends' names. We'll remember this fact when your next book is published.
Violence, greed, fornication - this hell-bound story has it all.
The ramrods are very Freudian. Freud was a pervert who was fixated on his naughty parts. His nutty parts. His party nuts. Whatever.
The sex scenes are way too tame - no whips, chains, trapezes, or sheep.
The treasure is never referred to as booty. With a modern play on words, musical entertainment should have been provided in each era by that popular '80s group (that would be the 1680s), the "Bootyhole" Surfers.
Speaking of booty, the sleazeball lawyer got away with it. Is this the premise for the sequel where it turns out he's descended from Calico Jack? And that slut Macy and her boy toy get it back? I can hardly wait!
In your acknowledgments, your reference to "No man is an island" might have mentioned the original author, John Donne. You might run across it arranged as a poem, but it was written as part of a sermon. You'll also recognize the final clauses. "No man is an island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main. If a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe is the less, as well as if a promontory were, as well as if a manor of thy friend's or of thine own were. Any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind; and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee..."
I quote this because based on the vast amount of heresy in your novel, you appear to need a little sermonizing. You're welcome.
Yours in tongue and cheekiness, A Friend.
--TR, December 2010
